So here we are, a whole new week and a whole new month. It is the start of July, and by heck where has the last few months gone. This month is going to be a busy month for me and my family, both my girl’s birthday this month and again a lot of appointments to contend with.
I do think does anyone actually read this blog? does it help anyone? or am I just doing this to keep my sanity? either way I will keep it up as this is a place where I can just put my thoughts and I don’t feel like I am being judged.
I am now over the 6 week mark out of hospital and over 8 weeks since FND took over me. When I look back over what has happened in that time, a lot has changed. In myself I am able to do a hell of a lot more than I was when I came out from hospital. My family dynamic has changed a lot, and I am still not sure how to get passed that. Both my girls have now realised that Daddy is not well and they do everything they can to try and help me, looking back on the things they do, breaks my heart, I don’t have the energy to play or run around with them anymore like I used to, how do get over this?
I am so thankful for all them who help me on a daily basis, you guys know who you are, and one day I will repay the favour, even if this takes the rest of my life to do so.
Everyday is different for me, some days the pain is so bad it makes me feel sick, I hardly get a full night sleep which in its self is hard when your so tried all day long. I get up and I know what kind of day it is going to be and some day’s are really good days, and I am so thankful for them days, but others, I have to think, brave face today Matthew and no matter what that day throws at me, I will push past it keep going.
I still think that when I go to see my Neurologist, that I will walk out of there a new person, someone who doesn’t have problems walking, consent pain and a stutter that I didn’t realise how much I stutter till I listened back to my voice. I don’t know why I think this but I do. Wishful thinking I guess.
I need to hold on to the positive’s and try and run with them, by my head is all over the place right now. I am going to try some different things this week, mindfulness comes to mind, at this point I am desperate to try anything that helps.
Remeber – Stay Safe