Hello, how are you doing? I really hope you are well, go and grab your cup of coffee or tea sit down and relax for 10 minutes while you have a read of this week’s blog.
Right, sat down and ready? Here we go…..
I wanted to write about work this week, the topic which seems to be on everyone’s mind especially mine.
As many of you are know I work for a large insurance company, dealing with household claims. Now this job, I need to spend a large amount of my time on the phone to customers and suppliers, now with my speech being the way it is, it is hard to talk to someone face to face sometimes. I mean don’t get me wrong my speech has come a very long way since my incident in May but I feel there is still dome improvement to be made.
I have a meeting with my speech therapist tomorrow to discuss my progress so far and what the next steps will be. This will then be fed into my MDT (multi-disciplinary team) meeting, so we are all working towards one common goal.
My large goal is to get back to work, now I would love to get back to work full time, but I can’t help but feel that this may be either a long way off or maybe not possible at all. I know that I will return to work on a phase return because I have been out for so long. All I want to know is when that will be.
For me I have to take into count a lot of different factors when it comes to work, I need to be able to climb stairs without any hesitation, be able to talk to someone, or at least so they can understand me, need to be able to sit at a desk for a period of time, and deal with not being so dam tired all the time, all these as well as remembering when to take my tablet’s, having something to eat, being able to get to the toilet and back with no problems. Then the big one, dealing with others at work, being able to sit in a office full off other people and them all on the phones and tapping away at the keyboard, the noise of all that, and then everyone asking the dreaded questions “oh hey Matthew, haven’t seen you in a while, where a have you been” or the “Hello, how are you? Everything okay?” Now I know this is all just people trying to be nice, or not really knowing what to say so they just come out with the first thing that comes to their heads.
I love my job and really can’t wait to get stuck back in, but I can’t help but feel that I am sinking into this black hole of no return, I don’t want to become that person, who doesn’t see anyone, that just stays at home and doesn’t do any work. I have been off work since 10th May, which is 20 weeks, 144 days, so long far too long, I need to get my body sorted and get back in there.
There are soo many people out there who are happy to stay at home and not work, and I get that, for some it is the best thing to do, but for me? This is not the answer, I need to fight this, I need to look up and see the light, and think….I will overcome this, I will reach the levels I want to reach, FND will not beat me.
I really need to sit with myself and have a word, if any of you out there have any words of inspiration, now is the time to give me it! I am soo in need of a really good pick me up! I help others everyday with everything that is going on around them, I just need to take some of my own advice and run with it, but the only place I feel I am running right now is right back into the hole of no return!