That Time Of Year?

So here we are that time of year again, we’re into November, it’s getting colder outside and the frost is starting to hit. So grab your blanket and a nice hot drink as you read this where ever you may be.

Christmas is just round the corner only 6 weeks to go, everyone starts to rush around grabbing Christmas presents for loved ones, and making sure that there fridge and freezers are stocked up to the hills. Now I know that some people just go over the top, I mean the shops are only shut for a day or two, we all over endulge at Christmas, and we think this is okay? I mean it’s Christmas right?

Well let’s spare a moment and think about them who might not get a present this Christmas, or even a hot meal and a bed to stay in around this time of year? What about them? Who is going to look after them? Who is going to feed them? I challenge everyone to just spare a moment,  just for a minute, how about instead of that extra box of chocolates that you buy, you go and buy somethings and donate them to your local food bank? That’s what we will be doing this year!

As we head into the final month’s of this year, I find myself sitting back and taking stock of everything that has happened, and what the future holds. It scares me, a lot. How a average young man can go from living a very normal life into one which has been turned upside down. I look back, not just over this year but the years past, I wouldn’t be the parent I am today of it wasn’t for my brother, I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for my parents, both natural and in laws, I wouldn’t be the person I am today it wasn’t for my wife and my children. While I am scared, I am also greatful. For all of them! Remember family is everything. Thank you to you all! Please remeber especially at this time of the year, its about spending time with them that you may not alway get chance to, your family are everything!

I have been struggling these last few weeks, and the only thing that is pulling me towards getting better is my family. I have been told that even though there is always a good chance of recovery, the time scale for this is unknown and now I must learn how to live with this disorder. Knowing this has really hit me hard, how will I get my head around this? It’s soo hard! I am scared and sometimes I just don’t know which way to turn. Sometime it’s just not as easy as people say to talk to somebody, I build up the courage, I try to wait for the perfect time to talk about this, but it it just never comes. I feel myself saying this alot lately, I need to find a way.

Over the last few days, I’m not sleeping again, more so getting off to sleep, but then the pain kicks in. What do I do? I try with painkillers but they don’t work, I try the tense and yeah….. That doesn’t work. So only answer, get up! Start the house work, don’t rellly matter if it’s 0730, everyone’s out anyway. Then all my tasks for the day are done! Best write some more, try and keep myself busy. I would try and read for a period of time, but I can’t hold concentration long. This blog alone has taken me a few days to write. The head space I am in, isn’t good one, I know that, but how do I get out? Answers on a post card please.

Christmas for everyone is hard time of year, if that’s financially or mentally and even physically! I’ll keep trying to find the courage and right time to ask for help! So if your in the same shoes, you try too. It might just help!

Anyway enough from me for while!

Stay Safe

Matthew