Looking Forward

Hello?

Are you there?

Sorry it has been a while since my last blog, but I have been finding myself either really busy with appointments, family and real life things . So sit back and enjoy the read, what ever time it is, or where ever you are.

Ready?

So what have I been up to, with all the regular appointments that I have, I think that the big one was my trip to London to see the specialist in FND. This one was heck if a trip, for where I am its 500 miles there and back, which is a long time being in the car. I think next time it will be a train and tube. So off to St. George’s I went, and what did I really think would happen? I’m not 100% sure, was the thought of ‘when I have seen him, I’ll be fine? He is going to give me a cure just like that’ I tend to think so if I’m honest with myself. Why I’m not sure, as I thought this when I first saw the nureoligist in Lancaster. While this wasn’t the case, I was still able to explain how far I have come within 6 months, how much improvement I have made. This is still massive it is not near where I was back in early May back to the ‘normal’ if you like.

We discussed how it all started and what has happened since then, and after few test that he carried out, he confirmed the diagnosis of Functional Neurological Disorder. This I had to take as a positive which with a lump in my throat I did, I suppose it’s a massive bonus that nothing else is going on inside my head. He has some advice about medications that I am on and will write to my Dr to explain these, he also wants to be put on the physiotherapy trial and the in patient stay that everyone always goes on about but with this I will cross that bridge when it comes to it.

I am continuing with Physio and Speach therapy which seems to be going in the right direction, I just feel sometimes that I could do with more, but with the true pressures of the NHS this just isn’t possible. I am doing exercises and reading aloud at home as much as I can, but sometimes it feels very mundane.

I try to get out as much as possible these days, and today I went for a Christmas lunch with colleagues at work, this was the first time I have seen some of them for over 6 months, and I have only had little contact with them, I was very anxious about the whole thing, but I need to be. It was really good and only after a shirt time I felt very relaxed and was joining in like I hadn’t left then at all, I think this has given me a new drive to get back to work, which I still cant do until occupational health give the go ahead, that at the drs I suppose.

I am still on the uphill battle with my mental health, and just when I think I am getting somewhere I get a knock back, positive thinking is something I really keep trying to put into practice. I recipes ed a letter fro minds after this week, I opened it thinking that I might be some where closer, but itwas just to say I’m still on the waiting list, and they hadn’t forgotten about me,well I hope they hadn’t Haha.

Now the end of the year is fast approaching and we have to look at the years past, what went well and what not so. I have had my ups and downs this year, sometimes really struggling physically and mentally,and I really hope 2020 is such a better year. I would like to sit here and say thank you to all them that have helped me, but I might be here for a while, so just to say thank you to a few, first my wife, Rachel, God you can be a pain in the arse sometimes, but as everyone as my witness, this year has really shown how much you love me, and for that I can not thank you enough, to my brother Paul and his Wife Tamzin, no matter what time of day you are always there, if I need anything and I mean anything, thank you for putting up with my sorry arse all this year, don’t worrie I won’t change 😉 to Gail, without you being being there this year wouldn’t of worked, thank you for everything you do! Chris and Sarah, you too are a massive pain in my arse, but you have helped me more than I think you realise. To everyone else who has helped me THANK YOU even if it was something soo small trust me you have helped.

While this year grows to a close let me leave you with one thought, what ever has happened over the last 12 months, put it behind you and try and move forward, don’t go into 2020 with hurt, bad feelings or hate, new year, new lease of life.

Merry Christmas to everyone, and Happy New Year

Matthew

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