Am I Good enough?

Hello again, how are you all doing? Not been too long since my last blog, but I honestly just wanted to get something written down, so here it is.

As the title suggests a question that I ask myself a lot of the time is am I really good enough?

Am I good enough as the father I am trying to be?

Am I good enough as a husband?

Am I a good enough at life?

My honest answer is no. It is not that I try and let my condition define me, but it does set me back a fair bit and this is where I get stuck with things.

Let’s take being a husband first. Now I know that some people may say I am just being silly when it comes to this, but let’s look at a few facts. Imagine what R must think every day waking up not knowing what the day is going to hold, if that I am having a bad day then most of the things we share are going to be have to be done by R. Okay, Okay so you will say well when R married me it was in sickness and health but did she sign up for this, somehow I don’t think so. She is a young woman, who has to look after and care for her husband, while holding down a full-time job and trying to raise 2 small children, and when Grace comes from her mums, then 3 children. Can you imagen not been able to use the shower without the help for someone else, Granted not all the time, but still. While we do get help, which we are grateful for, I can’t help feeling of being a burden.

Swiftly moving on, being a father….

This is something which plays on my mind a lot more than anything else, I WILL and always WILL do as much as I can for my children, no matter what the cost is. Now lets think about this, you have 2 children, who both want to go to the park, well I don’t drive so have to walk or go in my chair. Well both these want to hold your hand, want you to play football in the park with you. This is something I am unable to do, take my wife you say? But why should I have to, this just falls back into not being a good husband. This is just one example of what it is like for me being a father, while 2 of my children don’t remember me any other way, there will be a time when they start to ask why I can’t do what others can.

Being good at life?

This is a question that I suppose a lot of people ask themselves. I get the answer can be varied from person to person, but this is just my opinion. I own my own home, I have a job and have a amazing family around me, but is this what life is about? Like I have said before I struggle thinking that no matter what I do is good enough for all them around me. Granted I have more than others do, but honestly am I happy with some aspects of my life, no I don’t think I am. I have already started to make changes and I will continue as time goes on. I am trying to work on my mental health, which is so important right now, not everything works and some days I honestly feel like I am falling into the abyss, my head tells me I am not good enough and everyone around me would be better off if I was not around. There are some days when I am very positive but these days seem to be less and less now! Please Help!

Anyway that’s enough from me for the time being, I will make sure to have another one written this week, hopefully this will be more positive!

Love to All

M